I have been writing and playing out this blog post in my head for a couple of days and now I feel like it is time for me to share it with you all. I am not sure how it will turn out or what type of response it will receive, but if you have any questions – then please feel free to ask. If it is too personal then please email it to me at ashleysbookshelf at gmail dot com. I feel like there are some loose ends hanging around here on Ashley Suzanne and I want to make sure that I address them, and I want to do this by telling you all a little about myself, more in-depth.
I am a 21 year old, Christian, who still lives at home with her parents and younger sister. Marlee was born when I was 8. I was there the whole time to witness the birth and everything. I was also the first one to hold her, aside from the doctor and nurses. I feel that God gave me her and used her birth to lead me to my calling and passion.
My parents did not attend church when I was younger. It wasn’t that they didn’t believe in God, they were just lost. I started going to church with my grandparents, and then a few years later my mom had a nightmare, and God used that to lead her to Him and church. During the time that my mom, sister, and I started attending church and church events, things began to change around our house for the better, and my dad became very quizzical during that time and started asking questions about our faith. A few years later with the help God, he started attending church with us and then he and my sister were baptized. Mom did not get re-baptized because she was already baptized a time before, but I feel like maybe in a few years she may renew it, for her sake.
As a child I acted older than my age. My mom tells me that I have an old soul. I was average during my school years. I had friends, but never did anything out of my comfort zone in order to gain more friends. I was just me. Through high school, when other kids would go out and do things that they shouldn’t do. I was at home with my family. I never had the desire to do “earthly” things that would make me more popular or liked. I always thought, and still do think that I am weird ;] When I see others acting a certain way and then see the way that I act. It make me feel like there is something wrong with me. Almost like I don’t belong down here, and the truth be told – I don’t. I am an outsider and this is my temporary home.
Noticed how I talked about my calling and passion up there? Well, I truly believe that my calling is to be a Labor and Delivery Nurse. My passion – babies, and everything that has to do with them. Ever since I can remember, I have collected baby items and either pass them on to those who need them or keep them in a “safe” place for myself later on down the road. I am not a mother yet, but it is my lifelong dream to marry a man that God has planned for me and to raise my beautiful children in His word. I would also love to live on a farm and maybe marry a farmer, but I wouldn’t mind letting that go :]
I feel a pressure to get married, but I have a feeling that it is not God’s time for me. My family and friends tell me that I need to get out and participate or that I wont never meet anyone, but I know that is not true. I believe that when it is God’s time for me to meet my husband and get married then nothing can stand in His way. The one that I wish is that I was a little more out going and not afraid to make friends. I just don’t seem to get along with people my own age, and school keeps me pretty busy.
So to sum up this rambling. Here are a few statements about me and the blog.
- I am not a mommy of children my own, but I do babysit a little girl, and I love her as if she was my own. In my world she is my child.
- Learning about babies, pregnancy, and everything else brings joy to my life, and allows me to learn what I may need to know sometime soon.
- Just because I am not a mom, or not married, does not mean that it is weird for me to have baby items, or dream about my future husband or kids. It helps keep me sane and not depressed because I am not like my other friends who are married with kids.
- Just because I may suffer from Hypothyroidism, PCOS, and obesity does not mean that I will not ever have kids, or ever lose weight.
- Ashley Suzanne the blog will NOT be categorized, but will remain as a happy, creative, and free place.
I do apologize for all the ramblings, but I want to use my blog as something that I can look back own over the years to come, and to see what I was and how far I have progressed. I will still do reviews and participate in things, but I will also have more posts like this.